Part of my work, both personally and with clients, incorporates the use of constellations. Constellations are a somatic, or embodied, exercise that provide a systemic view of relationship dynamics. In other words, using people or objects, we create in three dimensional form a representation of a situation or circumstance in order to understand it better. 

Observing from outside the constellation, we can more easily see the hidden dynamics, loyalties, and entanglements that are at play. Observing from inside the constellation, we can gain compassion and empathy for the various points of view.

Constellations can be used to understand dynamics within families and relationships, at work or other organizations, and our own internal thoughts and emotions. They can be used to bring out the best in us by freeing us from unseen forces that limit our vision and mobility in life.

From the very first moment I stepped into a constellation, I felt the power of the medium. It was December 2008 and my life was a tangle of conflicts, confusion and co-dependence. 

Through constellations, I learned how to see, appreciate, and acknowledge my gifts, as well as to reclaim my power in healthy ways that allowed me to set boundaries and change the trajectory of my life. 

To be clear, constellations were a step, a tool—one that I used together with therapy, spiritual seeking, and a lot of hard work—not a magic bullet. Yet, there is something magical about constellations! Tapping into universal energy, connecting with the creative life force, seeing with new eyes, trusting somatic wisdom, learning what is true—these are the experiences that constellations offer for those willing to step into the “field”.

I have continued to study and practice constellations and am now a facilitator with my own practice. I am forever grateful to my teachers, Mary Elizabeth Lynch and Suzi Tucker. 

So how can constellations help us stay grounded in our best selves in an increasingly complex and difficult world?

First, constellations invite us to take a breath and acknowledge what is. 

A constellation creates the space to be, and be seen—without judgments, without “woulds” and “shoulds”, without hopes and dreams, without guilt and shame—just what is. This in and of itself is a great gift, a break from the constant high emotion coursing through our society, animating our conversations, and triggering our wounded places. A pause that frees us from habitual narratives and relentless rationalization, and offers us a different perspective. I had never experienced that prior to being in a constellation. Now I use the concept of “bare awareness” every day—both as an intellectual exercise to check my reactivity to what happens in the external world and as an experiential exercise to witness what happens in my internal world.

Second, constellations show us how we belong. 

In constellations, we discover and acknowledge that we are a rightful member in our system. We can relax knowing that there is not only enough room for us, but actually a special, unique place for us. We observe, without judgment, the ways in which we have behaved in order to “fit in” and come to realize our true belonging is simply a facet of what is. This frees us to choose other ways of behaving that help to move us forward with ease and grace. When I absorbed this understanding of belonging, I was able to drop some of the strategies I had developed as a child for fitting in, or getting approval, which no longer served me as an adult—being quiet, sitting still, blind obedience—and chose more authentic and active ways of living my life.

Third, constellations allow us to take our place. 

When we assume our rightful position and allow others to assume theirs, we begin to take responsibility for what is ours, and to give back responsibility for what is not ours. We honor ourselves by doing our own work. We honor others by allowing them to carry their own burdens without our interference. When we do so, we empower each of us to heal our own wounds and liberate ourselves from self-sabotage and the urge to blame or focus on others. We come to see the truth that we already have what we need to face the future. When I learned to settle in to my place as the youngest child and allow my older sisters and parents to assume their respective roles and responsibilities, I stopped competing and comparing and complaining, and started living my own life.

Fourth, constellations show us the critical importance of balance. 

Life is a balance: between self and other; between body, mind, and spirit; between work and play; between light and dark. We need balance to be whole. In a constellation, we can see and feel the heaviness or disequilibrium of imbalance, as well as the resulting relief that comes when things shift into balance. Whether it’s our relationship with ourselves, other individuals, or an organization, country, or culture, this concept of balance gives us perspective on how healthy relationships grow and thrive. Giving and taking, accepting and releasing, allowing and resisting. I came to see that my over-functioning was disabling to those I “helped”, and that my tendency to “forgive”, rather than hold accountable, led to resentment and alienation. A relationship cannot survive out of balance—whether we give too much, take too much, give too little, or take too little.

Is it possible to use these four concepts to move towards healing and peace in our fractured world?

What’s “out there” is “in here”. We cannot spread healing and peace if we do not first experience it in our own hearts and lives. Doing our own work is always and forever the first step. But then what? It’s the application of these constellation principles in our internal world that has the power to change our connection with the external world.