What is self-talk? It’s that constant stream of thoughts that weighs in on every external and internal event. 

Before I learned any mindfulness practices, I was unaware of how harsh, judgmental and negative my self-talk was. There was a lot of blaming and shaming, shoulds and shouldn’ts, criticisms and corrections. 

My goodness! How could I possibly move forward with such weight holding me down? 

To make matters worse? I pushed it outward, onto others. Not always verbally, but internally— that same Judge and Jury stood ready to convict.

The first step was to acknowledge what is: 

To actually hear that voice, feel the energy it generates, notice its impact. 

In order to prevent a downward spiral of criticizing myself for criticizing myself, it was necessary to learn how to step back and observe with compassion and without judgment.  That took a lot of practice!

Once I could allow myself to see what I was doing, only then could I consider how I might want to change what I was saying to myself. 

The second step was to choose an intention:

Thoughts are powerful, and I needed to learn to consciously choose the things I wanted to say to support myself.  They needed to be aspirational but still accessible…baby steps!

With a sense of curiosity and acceptance, I looked within to find out what brought me joy, what I longed for, what being my best felt like.

Spending some time to find themes and identify thoughts that generated a strong emotional response, I used both my intuition and analytical skills to craft a statement, also known as a mantra or ideal. I needed something very specific to say and think to replace that harsh, judgmental negativity.

It is common to slip into our familiar, unconscious habits, and it takes a strong and healthy will to SAY NO to those patterns and YES to something more constructive. 

So the third step was application:

I memorized that ideal statement and clung to it like a life raft. I recited it over and over again, until it became a familiar friend….and I began to believe it.

And then when those old negative thought patterns arose, I could choose to interrupt them and replace them with my new thoughts. 

Over time, my reflexive habits changed and my self-talk became supportive, compassionate and generous….and so did my interactions with others. :-)