Affirmation

For a good part of my life, I was dependent on external validation for my self worth. This put me at the mercy of others’ opinions, words, and judgments. It often left me trying to please people to gain their favor, at the expense of my own needs and desires.

When I became willing to look deeply into my wounded self, I was able to cultivate internal validation. Learning to find the “wisdom hiding behind my wounds” promoted an inner healing that led to self-acceptance.

We need both. The internal confidence that we are on the right path for ourselves and the external affirmation that our choices have merit. 

Part of my ideal is to keep internal and external validation in right relationship: too much dependence on external validation breeds insecurity; too much dependence on internal validation breeds narcissism.

I received a welcome external validation this past weekend when I won the Gold Royal Palm Literary Award for Unpublished Memoir from the Florida Writers Association. It was an honor and a privilege that included valuable and constructive feedback from the judges—all writers themselves, volunteering their time and energy.

But I wouldn’t have been in the position to receive the award if I hadn’t had the confidence that my manuscript was “good enough” to submit. I had the encouragement of my writing group, for sure—more confident than I, that I would win—but in the final analysis, it was my own willingness to believe in myself that allowed me to submit.

Telling our stories truthfully is hard.

Telling them well is a writer’s quest.

A combination of internal and external affirmation will get me over the finish line.